Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
