Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
