The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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