dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
