Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
