At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
