I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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