So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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