so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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