You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
