YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
