She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
