Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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