I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
did you just send me my own nude
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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