youre lurking in front of me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize