yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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