Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
