i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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