I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
