Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
