Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
