Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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