Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
