Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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