There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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