Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so let's talk penis.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
