She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
