it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
