yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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