If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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