Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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