WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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