I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
