I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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