Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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