Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
