I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
