shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize