I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize