WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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