I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dignity is for republicans.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize