my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They took my balls.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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