Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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