i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
