mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize