This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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