it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
