all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
