At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
