goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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