Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
