I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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