you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
