We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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