Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
id be glad to
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
