Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
