I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
