so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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