Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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