We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
