I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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