did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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