I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
