she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize