I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
