Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
