Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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