i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
