I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize