I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
