So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
