evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
