Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
