After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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