We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had to cum in my sink.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
