you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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