margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
