well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
