Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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