I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i out mim tonsoeep
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
